Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
