Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
