i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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