My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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