I wish I could teleport
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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