How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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