Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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