You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
