winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
