I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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