I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
