I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
