I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
