Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
