I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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