I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
