rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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