Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
