saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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