just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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