you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
