Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
