2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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