Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
