eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
