They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
