spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
40s are totally the cure
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize