don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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