I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
