Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
