I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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