i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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