i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
