He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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