Already got asked if we're dating
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
