I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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