God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
