dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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