We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
