All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
