Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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