there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
