So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
