I didn't shave. On purpose
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
