do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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