oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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