I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
