At least make sure they are 18
Why
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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