maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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