You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize