We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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