My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
