She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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