Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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