Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
