i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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