my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize