Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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