I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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