I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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