No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize