You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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