We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
