every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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