It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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