The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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