fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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